i officially have a first grader!

written by: cyn
thursday 2:45pm

yup just me again…
showing of my kid…
’cause that’s how i roll!

all ready for her first day of first grade! she picked out this outfit from the shoes to her headband!

all ready for her first day of first grade!
she picked out this outfit from the shoes to her headband!

all ready to face the world as a first grader!

all ready to face the world as a first grader!

she's so BIG! so proud of my beautiful girl!

she’s so BIG! so proud of my beautiful girl!

we are only three days into the new school year but so far so good!
skylar got the first grade teacher she wanted, miss carley, so that has made the transition to first grade easy peasy!

day 2 -- showing off her bus card with miss carley's name on it -- the teacher she wanted!

day 2 — showing off her bus card with miss carley’s name on it — the teacher she wanted!

getting up early in the morning again has been a bit of a hassle for miss sky — but we are working on that!
all in all — i feel like the 2015-2016 school year is going to be AMAZING!

day 3 -- still all smiles!

day 3 — still all smiles!

tonight is open house and i cannot wait to see her teacher and new classroom!

peace, love and margaritas,


beach day 2015

written by: cyn knight
thursday 2:30pm


so i am doing a little backtracking to this past sunday when my mother, myself and skylar FINALLY made it to the beach!
our one and only time all summer which is kind of sad when you live in rhode island and are essentially surrounded by water and some of the best beaches in the country!
but i digress…

here is my beautiful little girl enjoying her last weekend before the beginning of first grade!

on our way!

on our way!




on the beach playground...

on the beach playground…


beginning of our epic sandcastle!

beginning of our epic sandcastle!




on the hunt for shells...

on the hunt for shells…

my beautiful beach girl !

my beautiful beach girl !

it was a perfect day and the perfect official end to summer vacation!

peace, love and margaritas,

scary shit yo!

written by: cyn
wednesday 2pm

it’s weird to think that a whole week has passed since i wrote my last post — outta sheer anger and frustration no less.
but here i am, one week later, and i cannot honestly say i feel much different.
i am still angry.
i am still frustrated.
but at least i have an actual reason as to why.
i have lyme disease.25b3903422a84637b861a06c8680f258

i think i knew i did almost all along.
and especially when on wednesday evening when i was called by an RN to let me know that my WBC (white blood cell) count was normal — indicating no infection.
hence why the antibiotic never worked on the rash i had that i thought, and was told, was most likely due to a spider bite.
(my apologies to all arachnids for blaming you unnecessarily… we cool?)

no infection added to all of my symptoms left really only one alternative — lyme.

what was most infuriating about the whole thing is that i knew the preliminary results were in and despite leaving phone messages and actually walking into the office to ask that the doctor get in touch with me — she never did.
i had to take the day out of school last friday, make an appointment, and go in face to face to find out what the fuck was going on.
and of course the first words out of her mouth were, “oh i was going to call you today after i was done with my patients.”
complete and utter UNACCEPTABLE bullshit and not what you told me on tuesday lady when you promised you would contact me with the preliminary results ASAP!
in her words, “i honestly didn’t expect you would come back positive and had to rethink giving you results without confirmation.”
yeah, you and your know it all attitude can lick me sideways!
but at any rate — i have the results and now i know.

BUT… had i not made my presence known repeatedly at that office and INSISTED on blood work — i would be one of the MANY who goes without a diagnosis and proper treatment.

having had lyme disease officially for less than a week, i am by no means an expert.
i have read a lot since last week and trust me — there is tons of information and opinions out there.
i am currently on a 21 day (which i once again INSISTED on when the doctor tried to assure me that 14 days was plenty of time — everything i had read had said 21 days MINIMUM!) cycle of doxycycline and i can only hope that i caught it early enough to not have this turn chronic (post-treatment lyme disease as it’s technically called).

the typical bullseye rash

the typical bullseye rash

from what i have read — the rash (which mine did ultimately take the form of a bulls eye — the outer edges being more red than the inner portion.) usually takes place about 3-30 days after the initial bite and looking back — it was about 2-3 weeks after i noticed the bite that the rash started.
and yes, tick bites can become swollen and enlarged — just like mine did.
so judging from that — i caught this in about two months after the initial bite.
which is good news for me!
but the the fact is this: lyme is not curable and will always be present in my body to some degree. i could be fine, or i could be one of the MANY who is plagued for life by this disease in one form or another.
the scary thing is that lyme strains get stronger which means that they become more resilient to treatment… short term treatment fails for 90% of people with chronic lyme.a2d56a073ddc003a8cff67de78056033

scary shit yo!!!!

can you believe something this little did ALL THIS to me?!?!?!

can you believe something this little did ALL THIS to me?!?!?!

what i can tell you about lyme from my experience is this much…
in a matter of two months i presented a good portion of the telltale symptoms.
the bulls eye rash
joint pain
severe headaches
lack of concentration — especially this entire past weekend which i do also attribute to trying to digest this all.

but there are SO MANY people who have little to none of these symptoms.
only about 50% develop the rash and some will go YEARS before displaying some of these “telltale signs” which are often misdiagnosed.
so in a lot of ways, i was lucky that lyme was so typical for me.

i am also lucky that my test came back positive — testing for lyme is flawed in many ways and some people never get an actual positive result and are only clinically diagnosed with lyme due to their symptoms.

so what does all of this mean?
it means that for a disease that is so rampant there is a lot of ignorance and overall BULLSHIT associated with it.
300,000 people in the U.S. alone are diagnosed with lyme every year.
and those are the lucky (i use that term lightly mind you) ones like me who are actually diagnosed.

i am not trying to scare anyone and say that every ailment out there is misdiagnosed and is actually lyme disease — but i do firmly believe, and especially after my botched care, that there has to be a better way to detect, diagnose and treat this!
what exactly? i just don’t know?
all i can do is talk about my experience and enlighten as many people as i can to just be aware… and once again, and this much i cannot emphasize enough, BE YOUR OWN ADVOCATE FOR YOUR HEALTH!
do not take for granted that the health providers always get it right — they are human and do not.
if you feel as though there is something going on INSIST on getting the care your deserve and NEED!

so yes, i have lyme disease and i can only assume that i have caught it in time — but sadly only time can tell that.
here’s hoping!
in the meantime here are some links i found really helpful on the basics of lyme disease.

what are your actual chances of getting lyme disease
testing for lyme disease — the good, the bad and the ugly
tick bites

as for me — i have never been more ready to drown my sorrows in wine in my entire life!download (6)
if only that were a feasible option!

peace, love and margaritas,

eff you universe!

written by: cyn
wednesday 7am

i’m typically a “the glass is half full type” — even if i have to lie to myself i generally, until proven otherwise, see the better in most situations.
well let’s just say that as of this moment i hate the planet.

remember my post about my alleged (yes i said alleged) spider bite?
well i had a follow up visit with the nurse practitioner that i see last thursday, and against my better judgement, i was told that it seemed to be fine and not to worry.
i told her flat out that i felt that the “bite site” hadn’t fully healed and was probably dormant.
she disagreed and being that she is the expert and i am but a mere MA student i caved into what i felt in my heart wasn’t right.

it is times like these that i hate being right.
just like before my initial trip to the ER when i had biked a little over four miles the day before — running this past sunday clearly took my dormant issue and made it resurface.

after i wrote my blog post yesterday i got into the shower to get ready for school and noticed that the same exact area on my leg was red again. not as red as the day i went into the ER but red nonetheless and warm to the touch.
now i am livid.

to make a long story short — after basically making a scene and INSISTING that i be scene by my NP yesterday despite being told that she had no appointments — i did get in to see her around 11:30 am.
well, what i thought was her.
i had actually been scheduled to see one of the doctors in the practice — ironically the same one my NP basically answers to.

so i am seen and at first the doctor basically tells me she is not even sure what she is looking at — in other words she is insinuating there is nothing there.
granted the area is not as red as it was 6-8 weeks ago but COME ON — i can clearly see the outline of the red area and it’s kinda bullshit that i literally have to point it out to the doctor!

then she asks me if i shave my bikini area regularly and if i change my razors regularly.
A. the area that is red is on my upper thigh and hip area NOT my bikini area — that is where the initial bite/bump/what-the-fuck-ever was that is now barely visible unless i point it out!
B. did you just basically say i am some nasty bitch who has hygiene issues!?!?!?!

now i am just pissed.
i am just done NOT knowing what is going on with my body.
and yes, i went a little redhead on their asses.
i was polite but VERY firm.
i have learned in school about being an advocate for my patients and it was time i stood up and was an advocate for myself.
so i basically told them they were NOT putting me on another antibiotic until they could tell me what is wrong.
how the fuck can you treat what you don’t fucking know!?!?!
i insisted on blood work — a white blood cell count and a lyme disease test.
i was told it probably wasn’t lyme disease and it probably isn’t — but come on at least rule it out!
so now i am not so patiently waiting for results.
i should hear something about the WBC count today and possibly a preliminary on the lyme that needs to be confirmed — although the phlebotomist disagreed and said at least a week before i hear anything.

as i said, i am not totally convinced it’s lyme but if it is — i am going to go mental.
the treatment for that is 10-21 day regimen of antibiotics and my body ALWAYS reacts badly to just about every antibiotic known to man.
the thought of spending the next possible three weeks nauseated and fatigued is just heartbreaking.

i am most upset that my whole situation has been treated like i have some minor skin rash and i have been told not to worry when clearly i should be concerned.
this has been going on for almost two months — i should NOT be right back in the exact situation that brought me to the ER in the first place.
i feel as though my care has been half-assed at best.

i thank god for my teachers who have given me such great advice including the one to stand my ground, not to be intimated by people who you assume know more than you do, and to be your own ass-kicking advocate!
sound advice that every person should listen to!
the doctor doesn’t always get it right people!
i am the prime example of that!

wish me luck and pray it’s not lyme — i don’t want to deal with the issue and potentially kill people who have let me suffer with it unnecessarily for as long as i have!

peace, love and margaritas

oh hai

written by: cyn
tuesday 7am

funny-pictures-oh-hai-buggood morning peeps!

gahhhh… i have totally slacked at this blogging (amongst other) things AGAIN!
life has been a bit on the chaotic side (ain’t it always?) and well… this blog always seems to take a back seat.

besides being chaotic — things are good.
despite my BOLD claims and whole “INSPIRATION” post i made last, i did NOT get back on the health wagon until this past sunday.
i could beat myself up about that — but i won’t.
i am trying like hell to get on track NOW and really, that’s all that matters!

11912980_10206192477268952_591680834_ni did actually make it the gym this past sunday and RUN too! well — i am doing the couch to 10k app so there was more walking than running technically — but there was indeed some running happening and that is the first time since MAY that has happened — so yay me!

the pineapple diet

the pineapple diet

dean and i are on a pretty intense detox “diet” for five days (started yesterday) so i am dealing with that.
food wise — i’m golden.
lack of coffeewise — i’m a raging evil BITCH!
i caved — i am drinking coffee as i type.
yeah, i made one measly day and said “fuck this shit!
i love my coffee…



i gave up meat and my beloved cheese like it was nothing when i was vegan — but coffee is my weakness.
i clearly cannot live without it and have a pretty unhealthy obsessive relationship with it!
otherwise than my cup of love in the morning — i am sticking to the “diet“.
yes mono diets are bad — i know this.
but this is for detoxing and jumpstarting a healthy regime only.
we may do it next monday-friday again just to really get in the groove because both of us have fallen so far off the wagon we can’t even see the damn thing!

in other news:
i made ALL A’s last mod at school!11873959_10206142793266883_1843825032_n
i worked hard and frankly — i earned every single one of these A’s!
last mod was pretty smooth — this one is still hard to tell and believe it or not we are almost half-way done with it.

when i signed up for school i thought a year was a significant amount of time to devote to this — but wow, it’s really going by fast. i am literally just a few weeks away from hitting the halfway mark!

besides things pertaining directly to me…
all is well.

my sweet girl

my sweet girl

skylar is in vermont (AGAIN!) until saturday and i gotta admit that i am happy this is her last long trip away from me.
i miss her terribly and feel like i have barely seen her all summer!
(well, because i haven’t… ugh!)
she starts first grade in exactly one week!
and cameron starts high school!
egads — please be kind to me time — i don’t want our kiddos growing up so damn fast!

we have plans to have a girlie beach day this sunday!
sky, myself and my mom!
we are pretty stoked about that as it’s the first time we’ve made it the beach ALL SUMMER!
yup, i live in a state surrounded with some of the most beautiful beaches in the country and hell if i have seen any all summer.
just pray that i don’t have a test on monday and spend my entire afternoon there glued to quizlet studying!

well i guess that sums it up as far as a quickie post/update goes.
i gotta get motivated anywho… test today and i am sitting here in my bathrode with a towel on my head like i got nada to do!

hope all is well out there and everyone is livin’ la vida loca!

peace, love and margaritas,


written by: cyn
saturday 1pm

not withstanding the spider bite from hell… i have been trying really hard to get back on track.
THE bite set me back as i was instructed NOT to workout due to heavy activity can actually help some infections spread. (as if my whole upper thigh, upper cooch region and literally half my ass wasn’t big enough!?!?!)

sorry, that slipped!

but i have been trying to eat better this past week or so.
limiting portions, trying to add more fruits and veggies, making better choices, yadda yadda.
well, when we were doing our vitals (weight, height, BP, pulse, etc) yesterday in my clinical class i was down FOUR POINT SIX pounds since the last time i weighed in a couple of weeks or so!
yay me!

and now that THE bite is getting better and not looking like i may need a thigh/cooch/ass amputation — i am feeling ready to get moving and adding exercise to the mix!
if i wasn’t eyeball deep in studying for finals on monday — i’d be there RIGHT now!

at any rate — here are some of my favorite motivation meme’s and pics i have pinned via Pinterest lately!
(no,i am not giving link credit — i find most to be bogus anyhow and well, i just don’t give a shit!)

then i found this circuit workout on Pinterest as well — seems like a nice beginner workout to get back into the swing of things?4983311a52429998d728dcf6bf3a4526
i am so painfully out of shape — and it’s sad to think that just a little over a year ago i ran TWO half marathons!
but not belly-aching — time to shut up about it and move the fuck on!

starting monday i am BACK to making exercise a priority!
i have no excuses because my last final tests are on monday and sky left for vermont just as hour ago for ten days — it’s NOW or never!
who’s with me?

peace, love and margaritas,

when life gives you lemons — make limoncello!

written by: cyn
saturday 9am

with my lapse in blogging and EVERYTHING else chaotic going on in my world, i haven’t had the chance to really update on the ongoings of my life — especially with my kiddos.

my heart -- my daughter!

my heart — my daughter!

if you’ve followed my blog for awhile, you know the relationship between my daughter’s father and i has for the most part been very civil — but there have been occasions of UTTER HELL!

i won’t get into the details of it — as it would take a novel and a half — but recently he decided to leave his life here in rhode island behind and move to vermont (about four hours away) to move in with someone he met a few months ago.
i will leave it at that as clearly my opinion of such a decision is irrelevant.

honestly… i don’t give a fuck what he does in his personal life.
all i have ever cared is how it affects our daughter.
and obviously moving four hours away from her was VERY upsetting for me and for her.
but i will say this much, oddly enough, she sees him more than she EVER has.
granted it’s summertime and he’s currently not working (literally stopping myself from typing my opinion on that — but i will say this much, no child support is coming in and that sadly hurts us financially) so he can take her for extended periods of time.
she’s been at his/their/whatever house in vermont just about every other week all summer long.
as a matter of fact, she is leaving today around noon and going for TEN DAYS!

this face !

this face !

am i happy about this situation…?
hell to the fucking no.
i want my daughter in RI — fifteen minutes away — and always within my relative reach.
but per usual, i compromise and relent and cave to situations i sometimes hate because that is what i need to do to keep her life semi normal, and like it or not, she adores her father.

sky at my school the other day!

sky at my school the other day!

once school starts — i don’t know how this is all going to play out?
he swears to me that he will continue to see her every other weekend but i cannot help but worry about how an EIGHT HOUR round trip in the course of a weekend is going to affect them all — especially my six year old child!?!?!

nothing is every easy, is it?

he swears he’s met his *soulmate* and moving heaven and earth (literally) to be with this woman is what he needs to do to finally have a happy life and make a good life for skylar.
i suppose anyone is entitled to that.
and like i said, he has held up to his insistence that he will continue to see her.
i wish i didn’t have that “waiting for the other shoe to drop” mentality, but i do.

truly, that is all i care about.

i don’t care if he moves to timbuktu — as long as it doesn’t destroy my little girl!

my gorgeous daughter!

my gorgeous daughter!

have any of you ever dealt with your ex/baby daddy/whatever moving to another state or some distance away?
how did you handle it?
how did you not hire a hitman? (snort, kidding, kinda.)
how did you not become a total alcoholic while your child/ren were miles away?
this is so new to me — i feel lost and like i have just given in and it makes me feel completely taken advantage of and defeated!
i keep telling myself its for skylar’s happiness — but why am i so miserable/sad about it all????

peace, love and margaritas,