eff you universe!

written by: cyn
wednesday 7am

i’m typically a “the glass is half full type” — even if i have to lie to myself i generally, until proven otherwise, see the better in most situations.
well let’s just say that as of this moment i hate the planet.

remember my post about my alleged (yes i said alleged) spider bite?
well i had a follow up visit with the nurse practitioner that i see last thursday, and against my better judgement, i was told that it seemed to be fine and not to worry.
i told her flat out that i felt that the “bite site” hadn’t fully healed and was probably dormant.
she disagreed and being that she is the expert and i am but a mere MA student i caved into what i felt in my heart wasn’t right.

it is times like these that i hate being right.
just like before my initial trip to the ER when i had biked a little over four miles the day before — running this past sunday clearly took my dormant issue and made it resurface.

after i wrote my blog post yesterday i got into the shower to get ready for school and noticed that the same exact area on my leg was red again. not as red as the day i went into the ER but red nonetheless and warm to the touch.
now i am livid.

to make a long story short — after basically making a scene and INSISTING that i be scene by my NP yesterday despite being told that she had no appointments — i did get in to see her around 11:30 am.
well, what i thought was her.
i had actually been scheduled to see one of the doctors in the practice — ironically the same one my NP basically answers to.

so i am seen and at first the doctor basically tells me she is not even sure what she is looking at — in other words she is insinuating there is nothing there.
granted the area is not as red as it was 6-8 weeks ago but COME ON — i can clearly see the outline of the red area and it’s kinda bullshit that i literally have to point it out to the doctor!

then she asks me if i shave my bikini area regularly and if i change my razors regularly.
A. the area that is red is on my upper thigh and hip area NOT my bikini area — that is where the initial bite/bump/what-the-fuck-ever was that is now barely visible unless i point it out!
B. did you just basically say i am some nasty bitch who has hygiene issues!?!?!?!

now i am just pissed.
i am just done NOT knowing what is going on with my body.
and yes, i went a little redhead on their asses.
i was polite but VERY firm.
i have learned in school about being an advocate for my patients and it was time i stood up and was an advocate for myself.
so i basically told them they were NOT putting me on another antibiotic until they could tell me what is wrong.
how the fuck can you treat what you don’t fucking know!?!?!
i insisted on blood work — a white blood cell count and a lyme disease test.
i was told it probably wasn’t lyme disease and it probably isn’t — but come on at least rule it out!
so now i am not so patiently waiting for results.
i should hear something about the WBC count today and possibly a preliminary on the lyme that needs to be confirmed — although the phlebotomist disagreed and said at least a week before i hear anything.

as i said, i am not totally convinced it’s lyme but if it is — i am going to go mental.
the treatment for that is 10-21 day regimen of antibiotics and my body ALWAYS reacts badly to just about every antibiotic known to man.
the thought of spending the next possible three weeks nauseated and fatigued is just heartbreaking.

i am most upset that my whole situation has been treated like i have some minor skin rash and i have been told not to worry when clearly i should be concerned.
this has been going on for almost two months — i should NOT be right back in the exact situation that brought me to the ER in the first place.
i feel as though my care has been half-assed at best.

i thank god for my teachers who have given me such great advice including the one to stand my ground, not to be intimated by people who you assume know more than you do, and to be your own ass-kicking advocate!
sound advice that every person should listen to!
the doctor doesn’t always get it right people!
i am the prime example of that!

wish me luck and pray it’s not lyme — i don’t want to deal with the issue and potentially kill people who have let me suffer with it unnecessarily for as long as i have!

peace, love and margaritas


2 thoughts on “eff you universe!

  1. Good for being your own health care advocate! You’ve got to! You keep doing what you’re doing! It’s not going to be Lyme. ❤ You got this girl.

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